daniellejade

i sort of want to get this tattooed on my body:

My life is like a stroll upon the beach,
As near the ocean's edge as I can go.

i'm sure i won't. but maybe. my homeboy thoreau said it.

today is the first day of mike, ali and i's fast. we are doing ten days, as opposed to the original plan of 15 or so days. mike and i decided to do a longer fast at a later date, and i have decided that the later date will be sometime in spring, probably mid to late spring, when most animals are fasting. thus far i do not feel hungry, though i know both mike and ali do. this concoction of lemonade, maple syrup and cayenne pepper really is a hunger suppressant, for me at least. it is also very spicy when it hits the back of my throat, which is strange. the hunger is supposed to completely subside after three days. after this fast mike and i are going to try to eat a mostly raw foods diet, with lots of legumes and what not. i encourage him to go vegetarian, but he mostly just laughs and says he's going to cut a lot of meat out of his diet, but will never become vegetarian. which i'm glad for, he used to eat lots of crap meat. i'm not sure at what point seafood snuck back into my diet, but i think i will cut that out too. i know whoever reads this really enjoys reading about what i do and do not eat!! but actually writing it all out in my sweet ass, super cool live journal is helping me and i think will continue to help me until this fast is over.

on another note, i'm going to go get tatted up soon. the main piece i want is by banksy, but i don't know if a tattoo artist will actually be able to transfer it to my skin and make it look good. we will see.

also, eden, if you read this, i'm going to ask my mom in a little bit if i can use one of her free flights on southwest. when do you come home from school? because i was gonna aim to come out beginning of april. and i wanna go to san padre island!

so after mike and i move into the new apartment we have decided to do a fast. whenever i bring this up to people the responses i receive are general shock, or "that is such a horrible idea." BUT IT'S NOT. i think people forget that human beings have been fasting forever, as a means of spiritual growth, health purposes, etc. it's not dangerous unless approached and performed in the wrong way. we originally were going to do the "master cleanse" which consists of drinking a mixture of water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper for a minimum of ten days. mike is thinking he may just do a juice fast, and progressively turn it into a water fast. we're not sure exactly of the details yet though. we ordered some books on how to fast, the benefits of fasting, blah blah blah, and i don't know whatever else he ordered, i forgot. it's a lot of stuff i think, because he is addicted to amazon.com. which i was totally unaware of how awesome that website is. but that's a whole different story. anyway, one of the main reasons we're doing it is to detoxify our bodies. and one of the main reasons i'm doing it (in addition to detoxification) is because after the fast the person is supposed to feel better spiritually and emotionally. this rules for me because my anxiety has been a bitch lately. i'm aiming for fifteen days. we're not going to drink or smoke for the duration of the fast either. obviously. not that i smoke anyway, but mike does and it annoys the fuck out of me. anyway, i invite anyone who reads this, if anyone even reads this anymore to discuss your opinions.
peace

i was in a bad mood

it's really either amazing or fucking bullshit the friendships or any types of relationships we forge. and how they find their ways in our lives and fucking stick around or leave that shit. and it's bullshit, because i've forged so many, and there are so many people i'd love to fucking call right now and just talk to, but couldn't because they would either provide me with one of two responses:
a) are you drunk? (or for that matter, on any other type of drug)
2)uhhhh (awkward because they're too tied down with bullshit and not forging true relationships and connections)
and in contribution to what bothers me, is self fucking righteousness. it completely eliminates truly forging other relationships. recently what also has contributed to bothering me: people who are too god damn uptight. i mean, i consider myself to be extremely chill but at the same time a very opinionated person. but i know so many people who are uptight, and it's ridiculous and infuriates me because it eliminates any possibility of forging any type of understanding of other people's beliefs. i am very angry at people right now, and hurt. and i feel that that is important, because i am by no means the type of person who will make that known because i feel like it makes me vulnerable. and it does. but fuck that. whatever, i'm expecting everyone who reads this to either fucking hate me, or understand what the shit i'm talking about. there are so many horrible things going on right now, and i wish i was the type of person that would willingly admit these things. but none the less, i hope that we all sit here reading our god damn livejournals and question ourselves before we question any other fucking person. good luck, generation.

i'm loopy as hell right now. which is funny because it's 8:30 am and i'm sitting in the computer lab. i've moved back into my old house, which is, let's face it, a pretty sketchy place. if any of you are trying to move out slash need a house mate, hit this girl up, 3014423221. and my mom is selling the house since she doesn't live in it anymore. but anhow guys, this friday i'm turning eighteen (and franky is turning twenty one, so happy birthday bro, i kind of miss you a lot). i genuinely do not want to turn eighteen. seventeen is a pretty nostalgic age. but my whining won't stop time from turning and i am therefore having a big party at my house. i know i haven't talked to a lot of you in a while, and i know that there's this ncor gathering on friday also (which totally bums me out too guy, like i really wanna go) but it's my birthday. the address is 13304 dauphine st. silver spring. it start around...eight or so. so i'd enjoy it if all of you celebrated with me. oh, it's eden's birthday too. i'm making vegan food. i'm not gonna lie, this party will have the alcohol flowing, but none the less, it should be really chill and a lot of fun. i hope to see a lot of you there, and i hope you're all doing well. i know i've fallen off the face of the earth for the past seven or eight months, but i'd really like to jump back on the band wagon.

so i've started this entry at one twelve in the am (have you heard that kryptonite song? amazing!) and i'm at eden's house with these people, my friends actually, most of them at least and they are all on acid. i can't sleep anymore. i'm pretty bad at eating too. i stay up and read read read. i haven't gotten my period in a really long time (don't fret, i'm definitely not preggers) but rather i think it is because i am stressed and shit is going crazy! right now. i have moved back into my old house. it's nothing short of chaotic! i got pulled over the other night. at three am. i probably should have gotten dui, or at least gotten in trouble for being out past pervisionals. but out of the 29749837 million cops in montgomery county, i get pulled over by a copper that knows me! "hey, you live on dauphine st., right? oh, be careful. yeah, you've ran away from home too and your mom has called the cops on your before?" so, i thought that was pretty much amazing. my heart is in moscow, hard fucking core. i am excited for positive youth fest. i haven't updated in years. i wonder what all of you kids are up to. gosh i can't sleep at all anymore. i guess my life has been pretty cool, i mean, i am broke, everything is chaotic, no stability. so basically, i mean, everything is same old, the previous sentence sounded sarcastic but it definitely wasn't. other than my heart issues my life is pretty much amazing. no seriously. i keep having these arguments about the penal system with all of these little catholic fuckers at school and how there is no reward for reform and this whole stanley williams deal. oh, and plato and reincarnation. let me tell you a story. i don't intend to use periods. so these people had two twins and they slept in the same room and when they began to gain the ability to speak, in their sleep they would communicate but their parents had no idea what they were say so one night they recorded them and took it to columbia who figured out that they were speaking ARAMAIC! also known as the language of JESUS! and other people, when hypnotized, they travel into their past lives. it is nothing short of fascinating, to all you little skepticals out there. ps, stop being so skeptical because i swear to god there in no way to live up to your full potential and or intelligence. anyway, ya tebya lublu dimulia........i hope you all are having good lives and getting enlightened. i hope this post contributed to that.

I'm solely updating because I told Franky I would. And Caitlin and Lauren. <3

I don't really have much to say except that don't waste your time. A year ago yesterday was prom. Prom really seems like it wasn't that long ago. But a year! That's ridiculous. A whoolle lotta shit has went down in the past year since prom. I'm not proud of a whole lot of it, but I don't regret a single bit. Prom...I had so much fun. Like really, I don't even think my own prom will compare when it comes around. I'm so glad I'm young. I like only being a sophomore. I've got time to do a million other things. And I suppose the point of this all is, just to have fun and make the best of everything. I know I'm sounding pretty lame here, but it's all true. Time really does go by quickly. There really is no point in worrying about things. So I don't know, run away, go to the beach, make out with ten different people, throw a party, smoke even, do something you've never done. I love being nostalgic. I love Jim's backyard and everything that's happened there.

Holy f ing Christ. I hate this fammillllllly. They drive me so fucking insane! You know I'm serious because I don't even say the F word! Hate, it's not even exaggerated. It would be super if I could emancipate myself or stay somewhere else. Both of which I can't do. My throat hurts solely from screaming. Not even speaking, not saying anything, just yelling. I know I need anger management and I know I'm the most stable person in this house. I don't even scream. I'm too quiet. Jesus.

If I've IMed anyone on KaleidoscopXEyes and said anything mean or unlike me, it's not me. Last night someone or something was on my AIM screen name the same time as me and was saying bad things to everyone, but I couldn't see what. So finally whoever it is IMs me on AOL screen name. They're nice to talk to, but they call me Alice. Like Alice in Wonderland, their fave book. Acid? Anyway, it knew Diana's name when I didn't mention her name in our convo. It has emotions, likes, dislikes, but is claiming to be a computer program. How could it have that kind of interaction? It's so weird. They said they're going to watch every conversation I have on AIM and will only talk if they deem it necessary. It's scary. I'd like to know who it is.

On another note, I really like Joe. I think he's a good kid and he's relaxed and nice, all of that. So it really hurt my feelings in his LJ when he said a little something about everybody. "I love this guy!...She's so nice!" But Danielle concentrates on petty shit (which God knows I do) and I hope she finds a great guy to take care of her. I don't need or even want a guy to take care of me. I'm better off without a guy and the world is better off without a Danielle.

Today I drove to practice with Matt. We're leaving the parking lot and Rob love taps him. So Matt gets out of the car and starts to chase Rob (who is still in his car). Rob is backing up and Marissa is driving out of the parking lot. Matt stops running and tries to stop him, but Rob was going way to fast and hit Marissa's jeep. I'm convinced that Matt has the worst lucky when it comes to driving. I've almost died like six times today. After practice Matty and I went and got chinese. He's a nice kid, I'm glad I'm friends with him.

My birthday is tomorrow. My swim meet against Field School is tomorrow. 7-St. Albans. This is going to sound so selfish, I admit that I'm a selfish girl, but I'm not getting like anything at all. My mom is making me spend my Christmas money on a cell. Might I add, that she did not get me anything. It's just, kinda sad. This doesn't mean I want anyone who reads this to get me anything. Ten bucks says I won't even do anything or get a call. Again, this isn't a sign that I want anyone to do anythign I am mentioning. I hope it ices and snows tomorrow.

I believe in a thing called love is stuck in my head.

Can anyone tell me who this Andrew Freed boy is? I read some of the things he said out of the community devoted to him and I think he is the funniest boy in the world. Ten bucks says I've seen him before I just don't know who he is.

Anyway, Friday-Hung out with someone who for the time being will remain anonymous. Don't you hate it when people do that?
*Side note: I considered for all of two seconds to write about all of the bad things going on. Which right now aren't that bad, just driving me crazy. I hope I get kicked out. But, I think I'll ignore and hope it all goes away...
Saturday- Julie and I got a ride to the show where I got to see Carrie and Murphy and a million other people too. And Megan and Sammy and Frenchy and kids. OMG! Murphy totally waved at us when he walked in and Juliana and I were so excited because we thought he didn't know who we were. Then later on I waved or something and he was like "Hey, how are you?" And I was like, wow what a nice boy. Even though he probably doesn't know who I am. Got to see Daniel too. I feel bad, I'm unbearably rude to him sometimes.
Sunday-I hung out with Scheffey who had to spend the night because he couldn't drive back to UMBC in the snow.
.I want to go sledding but no one will come because they're all probably with their lovers cuddling and mine is absent? Or nonexistant.

Can I tell you how today wasn't so bad. It went by pretty quickly. After school Julie, Diana, Erin, Hudson, Matt, and I went to American City Diner. We were too late for swim practice when Tony was in a particular shitty mood. We went in all late and Joe was sitting on the couch and he was like "I just got kicked off the team for stopping." Stopping on the bottom of the pool! I have a swim meet against Field School and I recently met a bunch of kids from there. Also, today I had to re-write The Tell-Tale Heart in Trogic Octameter, using assonance, consonance, alliteration, internal ryhme schemes, and a regular ryhme scheme.

I'm officially not having a seet 16. And not because I'm being difficult! First weekend of February I have to go to Pennsylvania because I made stupid National Catholics. Second weekend I have to go to Michelle's party and Simple Plan/MXPX. Third weekend is Valentine's Day and I have to go watch Daniel's band play. I'm not having a birthday which makes me really sad...

So last night I went and saw Big Fish with Daniel. He drives a hot mini van and sings pretty to the Postal Service. But the movie was good. It was sweet. Like the flower part. Sigh...

We'd burn like the morning then break like your heart, Fall in love without warning just to fall back apart.
Whoever I've like and whoever has ever liked me.

I'd do anything just to fall asleep with you, will you remember me cuz I know I won't forget you.
DIANA! We rock it up Simple Plan style. You wanna go to the concert with me and Erin?

Your shadow weighs a ton drivin' down the 101, California here me come, drivin' down the 101...
Erin R.-senior trip to Cali

Here's to the nights we felt alive, here's to the tears you knew you cried, here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon...I wanna ditch the logical...
My friends/My logic

Swing, swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed by a former love. Can you help me find a way to carry on again?
Juliana who sings pretty and like AAR

Let's go, don't wait, this nights almost over. On it, let's make this night last forever...When you smile I melt inside... Please don't look at me with those eyes, please don't hint that you're capable of lies.
Patrick

Here's to us fool that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you, lets toast the night away to friends and forget about tomorrow.
My friends

I said don't worry about a thing, cuz every little things gonna be all right.
Jenn, Arnie, Jason

I am thinking it's a sign that freckles in our eyes are just mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.
That's how it goes, right? Anyway, Daniel.

Fate fell short this time your smile fades in the summer, raise your hang in mine, I'll leave when I wanna...Look to the past and remember a smile and maybe tonight I can breathe for a while, I'm not in my seat, I think I'm falling asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.
Cade. And! Like a Prayer

This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue and my eye through a scope down the barrel of a gun...This is you trying hard to make sure that you're seen with a girl on your arm and your heart on your sleeve.
Cade again, eww. My worst enemy, :)

Ignoring the words from your obnoxious little brother, kill or be killed the words from your mother.
Other than the fam, Scheffey.

Here's to you Mrs. Robinson, JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL KNOW, oh oh oh.
Everyone at school who I annoy when I sing that.

If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar.
Anyone who's ever liked me. Except not the liar part, I am bad news.

I have exams all this week. Get out at like eleven. I'm pretty sick. I have to go to my swim meet because I have to make National Catholic times.

This whole thing with Yana is awful. I was pretty upset when she went back to Russia but now...it's just like terrible. Kate usually gets back to me within a day and it's been a few. I don't really know what's going on but I hope it's nothing worse than it already is.

My birthday's in like...a few weeks.

Sorry to all of you who actually read this entry and expected interest out of it. I'm in a pretty shady mood but for good reasons.

1. My name:

2. Where did we meet?:

3. Take a stab at my middle name:

4. How long have you known me?:

5. How well do you know me?:

6. Do I smoke?:

7. Do I believe in God?:

8. When you first saw me what was your impression?:

9. My age?:

10. Birthday?:

11. Color of my hair?:

12. Color eyes:

13. Do I have any siblings?:

14. Have you ever had crush on me?

15. Have you ever been jealous of me?:

16. What's one of my favorite things to do?:

17. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?:

18. What's my favorite type of music?:

20. What is the best character trait about me?:

21. Am I shy or outgoing?:

22. Would you say I am funny?:

23. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?:

24. Any special talents?:

25. Would you consider me a friend?:

26. Would you call me preppy, slutty, a homie, average, sporty,punk,hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or somethingelse?:

27. Have you ever seen me cry?:

28. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?:

29. What are the 3 best words to describe me?:

30. Do i have a bf or gf?:

31. Would you ever go out with me?:

32. Have you ever made me cry?:

33.What is one nice thing you can say about me?:

Sharing beds makes me really happy/excited depending on who I'm sharing with.

End of break. I went skiing. Kelsey came up. Jimmy came up. Scheffey came up. All at different times. Went in the hot tub with all of them. Had a snow ball fight with snowboarder boys with shags covered by trucker hats. It was one of those experiences you see in movies and never expect them to happen to you. One of those cliche chick flick type scenes. New Years was spent in the outdoor hot tub with Scheffey and watching fire works explode over the mountain.
Other kids drank on New Years. I'm not mad or anything. Though disappointed. Quasi at least.
Certain relationships with people have been really weird recently. Some nice, some not. I'm not sure if I want to engage in the nice ones. I have a lot on my mind but I'm not about to write it all in here.

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I’ll leave when I wanna

Where do we go from here
Turn all the lights down now
Smiling from ear to ear (I’m feeling this)
Our breathing has got too loud (I’m feeling this)
Show me the bedroom floor (I’m feeling this)
Show me the bathroom mirror (I’m feeling this)
We’re taking this way too slow (I’m feeling this)
Take me away from here (I’m feeling this)


This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How can you say you meant anything different
To anyone standing alone
On the street with a cigarette
On the first night we met

Look to the past
And remember her smile
And maybe tonight
I can breathe for awhile
I'm not in the seat
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you

Christmas. I really dislike holidays. Always have. With the exception of last year. But, got an mp3 player. Ronnie got me stuff from Sephora! OMG...I totally don't like this day. Like, it really bothers me. I'm glad I'm leaving but at the same time kind of disappointed I don't get to talk to certain people.
P dot S- Either say shit or keep your mouth shut. No in bewteen abstract bullshit.
I can't wait for Jim and Scheffey to come up. They have to come up after Asher's so which I'm so sorry I have to miss (I <3 Robby!).
I'm going to miss the hell out of Yana. I'm glad to be getting away. I'm glad things don't bother me anymore. Diana knows what I'm talking about! I love you. But yeah, they totally don't and I love it. And I know why they don't. Partially. !!! too excited. Diana, tell Juliana I love her and I hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas.
I'm going skiing. I have a hot tub. I'm getting away from stupid drama bullshit that continues to be ball and chain type style. But I don't care!! Which is the best part. Just annoyed. You know?
I hope everyone had an okay X-mas. I know everyone thinks their's sucked. And it probably did. But I could sit here and complain, but I just try to make the best out of shitty situatioins. And believe me, this Christmas was one. But I'm not about to complain on LJ. Not putting down those who did. But you know, you're all loved.
<<<333 to the max.

It's Christmas Eve. Had a little get together. Erinn and Jenn came. We all got each other presents. Jenn got me a 25 dollar gift certificate to Victoria's Secret and Erinn got me this awesome 80's light pink jacket. And! This necklace with a D on it. It's made of pink rhinestones and so blingin'. And too 80's. It rules.
They left and then I wrapped and finished other presents for family and some people I don't even like.
And then, away messages that make me wonder if their intention was solely to hurt my feelings. Best part? I couldn't care less. I rule.
I'm leaving tomorrow to spend a week at the Wisp Ski Resort. Our cabin has a fire place and a hot tub. Jim and Scheffey are coming up and we'll all play.
I went out with Jim last night. Went to a party with Daniel Newbauer (sp?) and this cute, cute girl named Caroline. Salina was there! Whom I love. And yeah...that's the end of that.
It's a been a good couple of weeks. When I get back I'm hanging out with Erin Melo and Erin Rudy. They are gorgeous.
I'm def. not getting a present from my dad. That story is strange and conflicted and not something up for discussion on LJ.
All right, I'm done updating. See all of you when I get back. And 3014423221 is my cell.
I <3 you, not you though.

Tomorrow: G-town with Juliana. It'll rule. We're going to urban, h&m, bcbg, and probably out to lunch. I'm really excited.
Last night I went to party type thing and hung out with Rachael. We saw a bunch of pictures from the camp. It made me sad but happy. OMG, so this kid Lincoln...what a retard. One time Vernon, Rachael, Ryan, and I were walking around after all the kids had went to sleep and we see him. He's walking around without any pants on. Or boxers. He's so weird. And he ran through the game room naked. It was so fun this year.
Rachael and I are going to hang out and chances are there will be massive amounts of getting drunk. Oh crazy Whitman girls...
Why the f am I even updating? I have nothing of importance to say. I'm leaving Wednesday to stay in a cabin w/ a hot tub at the wisp. Jim and Scheffey are coming up. Whoever else can come too. All right, i'm done rambling on about nothing. Just a bunch of nostalgia...

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My LiveJournal 12 Days
My True Love gave to me...
12 alittlejamies a-commenting.
11 bluefrostings a-galloping.
10 danse_yess a-wiggling.
9 dumbblackkids a-squeaking.
8 elephantkeepers a-drinking.
7 foodfucknruless a-smiling.
6 hollygolightly6s a-twisting.
5 bronze ladlemasters.
4 massaging metaltilldeaths.
3 Indian pinkwows.
2 iguana ridemybicycles.
And a slavewaydeth in a cantaloupe tree.
Get gifts! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

I'm a loser who puts quiz type gay things in her journal, I know! Gosh. Ok, all right. These past couple of weeks have been pretty cool. I'm becoming better friends with a bunch of new people which is hot. But! It also brings drama (with the girls at school) that I am trying terribly to stay out of. It's so funny. It's like, in public school people actually get into physical fights. But in Catholic school, Erin and Jess, two little blonde girls start yelling at eachother in the hall and it's the talk of the year. Whatev, Jess is conceited and two faced so I'm totally on Erin's side. She's hotter anyway. OMG, Erin's coming on friday, so is Juliana and Diana. Gonna be hot.
Um, yes. I've been in a good mood recently and I know why. Today I totally blasted mxpx, stroke 9, and no doubt. I sang as loud as I could to all of them and danced around in my underwear.